Sometimes I’m not sure.
I know I fill my time. Even when I block out space to meditate, I’m not always sure I’m taking the time to appreciate what meditation is actually meant to be for. I know I’m busy. And I’ve told myself that being busy means being productive. Being constructive.
But then I stop and ask: am I present for the people around me when I’m with them?
Does my partner feel important when I’m there? Does she feel important when I’m gone? Does she know I’m thinking about her? Does she know I care? Does she know I miss her when she’s not there?
Those questions hit differently when you’ve just had a hard conversation with someone you love.
I’ve become more intentional about protecting my time — and sometimes that’s been misread as not caring. That’s on me. I’m someone who needs space to regenerate. Time alone to think, to listen to music, to read, to just be. That’s my makeup. It’s not selfishness. But I understand how it can feel that way to the people who want more of me.
And the truth is, I want to give them more.
Invitations are nice, but they don’t always have to be answered with a yes. I believe that. I’m still learning, though, that protecting my time doesn’t mean disappearing from the people who matter most. The goal is discernment, not distance.
So I’m working on it. Looking at the week ahead. Blocking time for the right things — for writing, for podcasts, for work, yes, but also for presence. For fun. For play. For the people I love.
Because time is funny. You think you’re honoring it by filling it. But sometimes honoring it means putting it down and just showing up.
I’m still figuring it out. But I’m listening. And that feels like a start.
Peace, Love & Gigs.