What happens in my brain when I try to focus on one thing?
Have you ever bobbed for apples?
It’s like that. Once you go in to get one, it pops out. Then another one’s right there. You come up for air and you’re surrounded by five more.
You try to take a bite out of each.
That’s what it feels like.
Now, when I’m lucky, or when I try hard enough, I might actually get a bite. And when I do… I don’t let go.
It’s like a pit bull with a pork chop.
Once I’ve got it, I’m locked in. I’m not letting go. You couldn’t get me to if you tried.
That’s the dance.
Between not being able to fixate at all…
and then not being able to let go once I do.
What distracts me first?
It’s just how fast a thought turns into something else.
You start with one idea. Let’s say sunshine.
Sunshine turns into light.
Light turns into the lamp.
The lamp reminds me I need to fix something.
Now I’m up, doing something else entirely.
Or I’m thinking about the heat from the sun… and suddenly I’m wondering why I’m so hot. Then I’m thinking about what I’m wearing. Why did I wear this? Why do I always do that?
And just like that, I’m gone.
My mind goes wherever it wants to go. It’s its own thing. You can’t tie it down.
But here’s the other side of it.
Sometimes I might be thinking about something good…
and then I think about something better.
It’s like a washing machine full of socks. There are a hundred socks in there… and one of them is silk.
One really good idea.
That’s what you’re looking for.
You’re chasing that one.
It’s like the sirens calling. There are a lot of voices, but one stands out. One is different. That’s the one you go toward.
That’s the chase.
That’s the drug, honestly.
You’re chasing the aha.
So what works?
Sleep helps. Hydration helps.
But more than anything, it’s just being intentional.
It’s catching myself and saying, “Stop.”
Just stop.
Reset.
Take a breath.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
And I’m not stuck. I’m not broken.
This is just how my brain works.
And I can still change. I can still do better.
And I have.